One of the best parts of blogging is, of course, the comments one receives. On days that I don’t receive comments, I have to satisfy myself with reading my blog stats. On WordPress, there’s a very handy, easy-to-read, single-page stat report. And one section of that report lists “search engine terms”–the phrases that people type into a search engine which lead them to my blog.
This is a highly entertaining list, I tell you. Fine recreation for comment-less days. I squirrel away the best phrases to share with you, dear readers, until I find myself with a nice collection–and nothing better to post here. Longtime readers may remember the original search engine post of over a year ago. Reading your comments to that post had me belly-laughing for days.
So without further ado, I present you with the most intriguing search engine terms that have led folks to the wonderfarm in the last year:
boy cleaning up art supplies. Oh dear. I have no idea how this led you to my blog. I do have a boy here, and there are cupboard-loads of art supplies. But I have never seen a boy cleaning up those art supplies. Not the resident boy, anyway. If you saw my kitchen table, you would believe me.
pictures of black haired 11 year olds. This seems a tad specific, don’t you think? Around here we don’t happen to have black-haired eleven-year-olds any more than we have boys cleaning up art supplies. Sorry to disappoint.
pokemon that looks like patricia. Really? There is one? I’m not sure if I should be flattered or disturbed.
stomach flu patricia throw up. Is this a command? Or some sort of hex? I have to say, I’m a bit offended. (And not feeling queasy at all, so there!)
bad homeschooling examples. And this led you to my blog? Gee, thanks. Hope you got the inspiration you were looking for.
homeschooling analogies negative. Okay, I’m starting to take this a wee bit personally…
spoiled little mama green chinese diaper. I really loved the randomness of this one. Until my curiosity got the best of me and I googled the phrase myself and found an actual product. What a letdown.
Backswimmers bite in Spain. What a useful bit of information! I’ll keep it in mind next time I’m in Spain. Thanks for sharing.
troll mothering. Do you mean how do trolls mother, or how can humans mother like trolls? And did you find the answers on my blog? (Do I really look like a Pokemon, mother like a troll and homeschool badly? These search engine terms can be so discouraging!)
Some of my favorite searches are the ones I call Google As All-Knowing Oracle searches. These are the ones in which someone types a question into the search engine as if the search engine will answer the question. Now I understand that if you type in a generic question–something like how do you divide fractions?–you are likely to find a web page where others have asked the same question, and received answers. But for most searches, as I pointed out in my original search engine post, you need to type in phrases which are likely to appear in the document you’re looking for. Typing a question is not likely to be helpful–especially if your question is, shall we say, obscure. To wit:
Do goblins attack fairy dishes? I really don’t know. You might be better off asking a goblin, rather than Google (or me).
Did you ever pretend to be a pokemon? That’s a little personal, don’t you think? (Okay, sometimes I play around as that Pokemon that looks like me. And it’s awfully fun to pretend you’re Jigglypuff.)
What does bon jovi own? Sheesh. I write one little post about my kid’s short-lived fascination with Bon Jovi and for over a year have had almost-daily hits from Bon Jovi fans. No, I do not know what Bon Jovi owns. I don’t have photos of his kids; I don’t know where he lives. And I don’t know if he’s ever pretended to be a Pokemon.
how do you wright in chinese? Um, I hate to be rude, but perhaps you should learn to write in English first.
And then, of course, there are those Google-As-Confessional searches:
I hold my pencil weird. There, there. I hope that typing that into a search engine made you feel better.
i want a waldorf play kitchen. And I sure hope you get one. But perhaps you should redirect your request to Santa Claus rather than to Google and me.
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Keep those blog searches coming, you random internet pilgrims! I probably don’t have what you’re looking for here on the farm, but it’s always a giggle to meet you.